


the mini-fridge incident

by o0JayWolf0o



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, I swear, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Meteorstuck, Mini-fridges, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, its not porn, started as a crack fic now its this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 00:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13846431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o0JayWolf0o/pseuds/o0JayWolf0o
Summary: Once Dave finds Karkat sad in his minifridge, he seeks to fix the issue that has been nagging them both lately.





	the mini-fridge incident

**Author's Note:**

> so this entire fanfiction is actually based off a conversation my friend and i had on minecraft at around 4 am.   
>  if you wanna see it just ask   
>  enjoy

“Hey, have you seen Karkat lately?” Dave asked, floating to the ground by his sister. 

“Yes, he was just headed to your room a moment ago. Why?” Rose inquires, pausing her knitting to stare intently at Dave. He felt uncomfortable.

“We had a thing planned. A bro hangout, y’know?” He subtly floated away, but Rose, observative as she was, noticed.

“Hmm. What kind of ‘bro’ hangout?” She had grown a smirk.

Dave rolled his eyes behind his shades. “We aren’t smooch buddies or whatever the fuck you and Kanaya are. We’re just normal bros–friends. Just friends. We’re gonna watch a movie or some shit.”

Rose inhaled through her teeth. “Ouch. How do you know how Karkat feels about you?”

“Pfft, because he knows I’m not gay. You can’t fall for someone if they’re not gay, that’s just dumb.” Dave began to skim over the floor, cape trailing behind him, toes barely touching the ground. 

“I do hope you are sure of that.” Rose murmured before Dave had left. It left him feeling all mixed up inside. 

Following her advice, he arrived at his room. Sure enough, Karkat’s shoes were kicked by his bed, his bed sheets were more disturbed than usual, and the mini-fridge was cracked open. Some of the food was sitting on the ground. Sighing, Dave headed over to the mini-fridge. When he tried to shut the door, however, it wouldn’t go. He pulled open the door, and nearly gasped at what greeted him.

Karkat was simply sitting in the fridge, eyes glazed over and bags under them heavier than ever. He was fine but seemed to be cold and sad: Almost like a sack of potatoes.

“Karkat, what the fuck are you doing in my fridge?”

Karkat glanced at him, weary. “I don’t know.”

Dave exhaled deeply. He would have laughed if Karkat hadn’t seemed so depressed lately. He snatched the troll’s hand, causing him to make a noise of protest, before pulling him out of the fridge. “Come on. On the bed now. You’re as cold as—uh—the inside of a mini-fridge. Yeah.”  _ Smooth. _

“Smooth,” Karkat grumbled, mirroring his thoughts. He climbed onto the bed and lay there, so Dave wrapped his blankets around the troll. 

“So,” Dave began, after cleaning up the mess and sitting beside Karkat on his bed, “are you gonna tell me why you’ve been so weird lately? Like, damn, you seem kinda hopeless about something. And it’s bugging me, dude. The fuck’s up?”

Karkat just closed his eyes, exhausted, and sighed through his nose. “You wouldn’t understand it.”

Dave scoffed. “What, is this another troll thing? Dude, you know I don’t give a shit, I just wanna help.” Dave stilled internally when he said that. Shit, he was probably giving away too much. 

“No, it’s not a troll thing–but it’s a  _ personal _ thing and it’s not your issue. I don’t wanna talk about it, fuckwad!” Karkat argued.

“Dude, dude. Your personal thing is worrying as hell, and it’s affecting pretty much everyone. You know the other day Kanaya asked why you hadn’t shown up for her sewing lessons? She was kind of distraught. So, yeah, it’s my fuckin’ problem, too. Spill.” 

Karkat tried to wrestle out of the cocoon Dave had made for him, but Dave simply held his shoulders. “Dave, don’t do this to me.”

“Karkat, I’m doing this to you.”

Karkat couldn’t meet his eyes. Granted, he did have shades on, but he was looking everywhere in the room but at him.  _ Shit, I’m too close, aren’t I? _ Dave leaned away from his face.

“I’ll just feel worse if I spill. I can guarantee it. In fact, having this conversation right now isn’t helping at all, so why don’t you,” Karkat jerked, “back off?”

“Karkat! You were  _ in _ my  _ fridge! _ I know this is bad! But if you don’t say anything, you know how bad it’s gonna get? Trust me, man, I fuckin know this shit first-hand, that’s why I started telling you about Bro in the first place. All that damn emotion’s just gonna keep on building up until— _ boom! _ —Karkat all over the walls.”

“Fine! I fucking like you, okay? But it’s so obvious that you’re not fucking human gay, what the hell am I gonna do? Stew in my own damn juices for a century? Look where that’s gotten me! Pine after you even though you’re not dating Terezi anymore? I’ve already been doing that! So yes, tell me, Dave, how can you help fix this so we’re both happy, huh? You don’t like me, but I like you, so what the fuck are we gonna do?” Dave had visibly stiffened when Karkat said it.  _ He likes me. He likes me? God, okay, uh… _ Dave felt pretty weird.  He stared at the lump of blanket that was enveloping a furious Karkat—on the verge of tears—before sitting up.

“I gotta go,” Dave murmured, quietly.

Karkat’s face fell as if the last tendril of hope he had left had just been pulled from the ground and scattered in the wind. Dave couldn’t look at that face without feeling horrible—he had caused him to look like that, he had made his best friend hopeless all along, he was the reason he was unhappy—so he didn’t, he turned and fled.

And where else to go than Rose?

Standing in her doorway, it seemed she knew he would come. Two cups of fresh coffee sat atop her dresser, nicely fluffed pillows littering the floor for them to sit on and Chicken Little playing as background noise. “Come, sit,” Rose invited, patting the strikingly red pillow in front of her. He picked his way over the floor, walking for once rather than gliding, and plopped to the ground.

Nursing his cup of coffee in his hands, Dave sighed. “So, you were right.”

Rose hummed inquisitively. Of course, she knew what he was talking about, they both knew that, but she just wanted to hear him say it aloud.

“Karkat didn’t–I didn’t know how he felt about me, or whatever,” Dave mumbled, partially ashamed and still wound from the revelation that–hey! Your best friend harbors a big crush on you! 

“Hmm. I suppose he told you, then?”

Dave raised a brow. “What, you already knew?”

She perked up. “Well, of course, I did. He talks about you all the time to Kanaya, you know, and is always asking about you. He never directly told me he liked you, but it was fairly obvious.”

Dave groaned, burying his face in his hands before munching on a crunchy chocolate chip cookie.  _ Ah,  _ Chips Ahoy, _ I will always love you, _ he thought. “Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I just found him in my fucking mini-fridge, Rose. My mini-fridge!”

Rose seemed startled. “He was–he was in your mini-fridge?”

Dave gave a tense nod. 

Rose exhaled through her nose. “Well, anyway… You don’t feel for him, do you?” 

Dave didn’t answer right away. That was because he was unsure. He’d been feeling  _ off _ around the troll for a while now, sometimes losing time with him. Each time he joined the same room, Dave was a little bit happier, a little bit more energetic. Sometimes, Karkat would do random, normal Karkat things: rant, puff his cheeks out, or stomp his foot in mild frustration. These would make Dave feel strange; he’d be bubbly inside, nervous, or sometimes flustered.

Were these romantic feelings?

Dave knitted his eyebrows. When he was with Terezi, he felt these things- but not nearly as much as he does now. Does that make him gay? No, Dave can’t be gay, he doesn’t find guys hot. 

...Well, the thought of kissing Karkat was  _ always _ welcome, but–

“Dave, tell me what you’re thinking.”

Dave sighed, “I think I might. I don’t know, though–I’m not gay, am I?”

Rose stifled a laugh. “You might just be bisexual. Or, I suppose, pansexual. After all, you did have a thing with Terezi, did you not?”

Dave sighed. That made him feel better. “Okay. So, I’m that first one, I guess. Bisexual. Now what? I don’t want things to be awkward between Karkat and I because I was a total douche-wad, but I don’t want to not hang out with him, y’know?”

Rose hid her face in her coffee for a moment. “Well, you could tell him how you feel. If it’s going too fast, then just hang out with him like normal. He may be upset that he doesn’t think you like him back, but it would be better than you avoiding him for ages.”

Considering this, Dave nodded. “Okay. So, what, just stroll in and ask if we’re still having movie night?”

Rose had begun to knit again. “More or less.”

So Dave wandered back to his room, his metal-padded shoes clinking against the bottom of the lab as he walked back. A lot of things were swirling in his mind when he turned the curb and noticed Karkat still in his blanket cocoon. He wasn’t really doing anything aside from staring down at his limp hands.

When Dave showed up in his vision, Karkat focused on him. “So… Movie night?” Dave mumbled, awkwardly.

Karkat’s brows creased as if the gears in his head had stopped turning for a moment. “What? ...I mean, I just fucking poured my bloodpusher out—there’s liquid bloodpusher and I’m just swimming around in it, fucking everything around me is wet and sticky, cells are  _ drowning  _ in the juice—and you’re asking about  _ movie night? _ I thought after... what happened… you’d at least have the decency to start hating me, but apparently, whatever—or whoever—created SGRUB is still looking for ways to fuck  _ me _ over!” Karkat let out whatever breath he still managed to have, glancing away from Dave.

Dave didn’t really know what to do, so he didn’t do anything. “Look, man. You like me. I get it. But that doesn’t make me wanna  _ hate _ you. You’re my best bro, fresher than the peaches outta’ the Mayor’s cans. Those fuckers are so crisp the farmers back on Earth are jealous. ‘I wish I had those peaches,’ they say. They sob over how fresh the Mayor’s peaches are, dude, but the Mayor doesn’t give ‘em up. He’s too chill to do that. He just waggles his finger and tsk’s them away. His chill is unbreakable. You get me?”

Karkat didn’t respond because he got out of his blanket cocoon and used it as a cape. “Alright. Let’s go watch something, then.” 

So they did.

During the movie, it was obvious neither were paying attention to it. Well, for the first half. Karkat eventually gave up on keeping his distance from Dave after he’d had to piss, so now they were huddled on the common room’s couch watching something involving troll Adam Sandler. Dave, as usual, pointed out small continuity errors or made fun of cliché moves just to urk a response from Karkat. By the end of the movie, the tension between them had melted entirely.

Karkat was wiping away red streaks from his eyes, forcing the smile on his face into a scowl. “This is what every fucking cinema should strive to make. This work, here, is a thing of perfection. Beauty. The acting, plotline, and the subplot all weave together so perfectly it’s a miracle this movie isn’t shown around the universe, shown on wrigglers’ palmhusks on loop for hours…” Karkat began, continuing to wildly gesture to random things in the air while Dave put on the troll version of  _ 50 First Dates _ . Once the beginning of the movie fired up, Karkat trailed off, sparing a glance at Dave.

Not bothering to complain about the fact that Dave had just interrupted one of his long-winded rants, he settled back into the couch (and the heavy blanket lining the back of it) and fixed his eyes on the husktop before him.

Dave didn’t focus at all this time, instead having his head dip before he realized he was about to fall asleep several times. In the end, he succumbed to sleep, laying his head on the closest prop near and drifting in and out of sleep. When he woke again, loud music was droning on while the credits rolled over the screen. Karkat wasn’t ranting this time—unusual for him—so Dave peeked open an eye. Sometime during his train of naps, his shades had fallen off his face. Karkat danced them between his fingers, head down so Dave couldn’t see his expression despite his head resting on the troll’s shoulder. 

Unbeknownst to the fact that Dave was awake, Karkat leaned back, half-nuzzling Dave’s bleached hair. “Oh, the things you do to me,” Karkat murmured, deathly quiet. Dave wasn’t even sure if he’d heard it right, but decided now would be a good time to pretend he had just woken up. 

Breathing in deep, Dave scrunched his eyes, removing his head from the crook of Karkat’s neck after a moment of hesitation. He blinked several times, red eyes meeting red, and rolled his shoulders. “‘Sup?” he mumbled. 

“You fell asleep  _ again. _ You’ve literally never seen this entire movie because of how often you fucking pass out during it,” Karkat grumbled, handing over Dave’s shades.

He slid them on his face. “Sorry. Romance isn’t my thing, though, you know?” 

Karkat didn’t do more than roll his eyes, snapping his husktop closed and directing it to scuttle back to his room. “I’m gonna get some food if you want to come with,” he stated. Dave joined him on the short trek to Can Town, making sure his feet didn’t lift from the ground. Karkat was always uncomfortable when he was reminded that he was one of the only trolls that hadn’t ascended, so Dave respected that. No point in making him sad.

The Mayor was stacking cans and examining how they looked when they entered the abode. He waved, eyes crinkled, and scurried over to Karkat, wrapping his arms around the troll’s shoulders. A lot of people seemed to think the Mayor was small, but in reality, he was just a bit shorter than Dave with Karkat towering over them both.

“‘Sup, Mayor?” Dave greeted, holding his arms out. Instead of hugging them separately, the Mayor just grabbed him and pulled them both in a group hug. Pulling away, Dave fixed his hair and glanced around. “Got any spare cans?” he asked.

The Mayor nodded energetically, leading them to the ‘spare cans’ room. He gestured to the pile and let Dave and Karkat pick out their favorite foods.

Carapacians seemed to possess both troll and human foods, though they were all plant life. Dave grabbed a can of peas, Karkat some kind of soup. It was written in Alternian, which Dave could barely read, so he didn’t bother deciphering it. Before Karkat cracked them open (Dave couldn’t; they had yet to alchemize a working can opener but Karkat’s claws were sharp enough to cut through the weak metal), they waltzed over to a ‘picnic area,’ shittily drawn by the hands of both Dave and the Mayor. Karkat had made his own spot in the area nobody else was allowed to step foot in, but Dave enjoyed stepping in it once in a while just for the reaction Karkat gave.

Dave plopped his ass down, handing Karkat his can. Used to the routine, Karkat cracked it open with ease. Dave was surprised he hadn’t said  _ anything _ since they entered the room. Normally, the troll would be on and on about something, usually a person or event that had happened prior. Now, though, he seemed to be lost in thought, not even having sipped from the mess of juice and insect parts in his can.

“Karkat. Car-cat? ‘Kakrat’–hey, look at me, man. You okay?” Dave asked, waving his hand in front of the troll’s face until he got his attention.

Karkat looked up at him, beady eyes narrowing. “I’m fine, dunkass. You’d think a troll would get at  _ least _ five seconds of Dave-away time, but  _ no. _ Here you are, waving your stupid fucking human hand in my face—” he pushed Dave’s hand from in front of him at that, “—absolutely  _ ruining _ my peaceful Dave-free time. Thanks. Thanks for that.” Dave lit up. He was back to himself. Karkat, though, got up, walking to his private sanctuary in Can Town. When he did that, Dave felt bad—he only went there when he needed actual alone time—but at least he wouldn’t have to see him worrying his lips constantly.

When Dave finished his peas, the Mayor came over and sat with him, a crayon and several sheets of paper with him. This meant he was probably going to talk with Dave.

“Hey, Mayor. What’s up?”

The Mayor bent down, scribbling a quick, shitty drawing of Karkat with pink question marks around him since Terezi ate all the red crayons. It might be shitty to others, but Dave was fond of the Mayor’s art, no matter how childish it looked. Dave interpreted the drawing as him being confused about why Karkat was acting differently.

“Yeah, that’s about right. If I’m gonna be honest—and don’t tell him this—but if I’m honest, I’m worried about him. He’s been acting weird for… weeks? Weeks. Fucking hell,” Dave muttered, running a hand through his silky bleached hair.

The Mayor began sketching again, so Dave shut up and waited patiently. After a few seconds, the Mayor had scribbled over the pink question marks and replaced them with pink hearts. Dave couldn’t resist the urge to blush. “I-I guess,” Dave admitted. “I don’t know though. I mean, I had a chat with Rose a few hours ago and I know I’m bisexual, or whatever the fuck it’s called, but that doesn’t mean I like  _ him _ , right? How do you even know you like a dude? It’s easier with girls.” Dave added that last part to himself, but the Mayor acknowledged it as well. 

This time, the mayor grabbed some new colors and drew a different figure below Karkat. The drawing was shielded by the Mayor’s arm, but Dave didn’t dare take a peek. He’d learned in his first month on the meteor that you should always wait for the Mayor to finish drawing or he’ll snap at you. His teeth may be round and flat, but seeing them meant trouble.

Finally, the Mayor pushed the paper into Dave’s hands. This one depicted a picture of Terezi, pink hearts surrounding her, then a beige arrow pointing from her, to Karkat, then back to her. Beside it, beige question marks were littered. The Mayor must be referring to when Dave was dating Terezi. Maybe a crush felt the same no matter what gender, then?

“If you’re asking if I feel like that,” Dave pointed toward Terezi, “toward  _ him, _ ” Dave placed his finger on the picture of Karkat, “then… I guess I do? Wait, does that mean I’m gay for real now? Like,  _ gay _ gay? I mean, I guess I’m half-gay, but–”

The Mayor let out a soft sound—almost like blowing dust from his nose—that represented him laughing. He nodded, then, and Dave’s cheeks dusted pink once more.

Burying his head in his hands, Dave groaned, pushing his fingers under his shades to press down on his eyes. “Agh, man. What do I do?” He lifted his head, fixing his shades and hair and hoping his blush wasn’t too noticeable. It was bright red.

The Mayor flipped the paper over, beginning to slowly sketch. Dave knew that this meant he’d be taking a long time, so he laid back and stared at the ceiling. He looked at a bolt. The bolt looked back. 

His swirling thought process was interrupted when the Mayor tugged carefully on the hem of his pants. Groaning, he lifted himself up, grabbing the papers the Mayor handed to him.

The first drawing was of Dave and Karkat sitting in the common room. Dave had boring, pink squiggly lines as his dialogue, while Karkat had bold, gray ‘BLAH BLAH BLAH’s’ as his. Nodding to himself, Dave turned the page.

This one was much the same as the last, but instead, it showed Dave in all of his pink-pajamas glory, a speech bubble filled with a heart above his head. Karkat said nothing. His palms began to sweat as he turned the next page.

But instead of what he expected, the next page simply showed Karkat with a gray heart above him. Dave’s heart swelled. Nobody knew better than the Mayor, so this must be one of his fated stories that would eventually happen whether they liked it or not. Dave was ok with that.

The last page showed both of them smiling, sitting together and holding hands. A few hearts littered the page. Dave couldn’t look at it for long, embarrassment creeping up his neck. Again, he buried his face in his hands, failing to hide the dorky smile that crossed over his face. Once he looked up, he found the Mayor smiling at him.  _ Damn. I’d hang this masterpiece up on the fridge if it weren’t a Top Secret Blueprint, _ Dave thought to himself, taking another peek at the drawing.

The Mayor got up, so Dave did, too. This was probably the part where the Mayor would demand he confess his feelings to Karkat. Dave hadn’t been planning to, after his discussion with Rose, but he would if the Mayor asked.

And he did.

So Dave went along with it.

It was the next day. Karkat was sitting in the common room, chatting with Kanaya, when Dave found him. Vriska was sitting in the corner of the room, propped against a velvet pillow, reading an old newspaper about FLARPing.

Karkat took a peek at him before continuing his conversation.

Dave thought about how fast everything was going. Only the day before had he discovered what he was and how he felt toward the feisty troll, and today he’d actually admit to it.

_ No backin’ out now. The Mayor’s already drawn ship art. _ Taking a deep breath, Dave calmly shuffled over to the table both trolls sat on and drew himself a seat. 

“Why, hello, Dave. Karkat and I were just discussing the role of male trolls when working a brood.” Kanaya sipped a glass of thick, red liquid. It made Dave queasy to think about Kanaya drinking his sister’s blood, so he stared at what Karkat was drinking instead. Good ol’ fashioned coffee.

“I didn’t know male trolls could work in the caverns,” Dave admitted. 

“Well, that’s just it. Most of the time those fuckers are culled at birth. But most of the time if they beat the trials, they’re accepted as low-tiered cavern workers,” Karkat explained. “The Condesce prefers females, though, for obvious sexist reasons. Stupid fucking fish bitch,” he muttered to himself.

“Yes… Well, she used to have the males work as a higher tier—in fact, the males used to dominate the Jade spectrum—but they had once allowed Mother Grub to get sick. After she was healed, Her Imperious Condescension slaughtered anyone she deemed responsible and ordered all male Jades be killed from then on. Now she is softer on them, I suppose.”

“So what’s up with you?” Karkat asked, glaring at Dave. He wasn’t actually mad, he knew, but he expressed his emotions in his own, crabby, Karkat-y way.

_ This is the chance. Take it. Take the chance. T– _ “Just bored.”  _ Dammit, fucking Dave. You lost your shot! _ He internally groaned but his expression remained stone as it had before. 

Karkat squinted. “What, the Mayor has to go?”

Dave merely shrugged, kicking back. His stomach churned and his head was swirling. He needed to do this and get it over with, but with Kanaya in the way and Vriska bound to be curious if he walked off alone with Karkat, he was stuck.

He began to devise a plan, only commenting every few minutes when the conversation changed. Currently, they were talking about food—troll food—so Dave was listening to what they said as he pulled open Pesterchum.

 

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator  [GC] \--   
TG: yo tz   
TG: come pick up vriska   
GC: >:?   
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D TH1S T1M3?   
TG: look if you get her ill give you my secret stash of red chalk   
GC: HMM… YOU DO PULL 4 H4RD B4RG41N…   
GC: BUT WHY, 1 WOND3R?   
GC: P3RH4PS YOU 4R3 D3V1S1NG 4 PL4N TO WOO OV3R TH3 L1K3S OF MY V3RY OWN VR1SK4?   
TG: no man why would i ask you to get her if i was trying to woo her that makes no fuckin sense   
GC: GOOD PO1NT   
GC: 1LL ONLY DO 1T 1F YOU T3LL M3 WH4T YOUR3 UP TO   
TG: gosh these crayons sure are juicy   
TG: the sweet scent of raspberry swirl filling my nostrils   
TG: why if only i could share this scent with someone else   
TG: but alas nobody is here to share my woe   
GC: 4UGH F1N3!   
GC: BUT 1 W1LL F1ND OUT WH4T YOUR3 DO1NG   
GC: 4ND WH3N TH3 T1M3 COM3S 1T W1LL B3 YOUR CH3RRY SC3NT3D WORDS W4LL3D ON MY SCR33N 4SK1NG FOR FORG1V3N3SS 4S 1 C4CKL3 1N V1CTORY! >:]   
TG: ok whatever   
\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator  [GC] \--

Dave slid his phone back to his sylladex, pushing his shades back to the bridge of his nose. After a few moments of discussing what troll hibachi was like, Terezi slid into the room, asking Vriska to join her in their daily roleplay session. Vriska hopped up, grin and pointy teeth wide, ditching the article she read to join her moirail once again.

Now, Dave wasn’t sure what to do. He was certain that Karkat would reciprocate, but how could he bring up anything without interrupting their conversation  _ and _ making it awkward?

...Well, he could do both, but tone it down, if he just texted Karkat. 

So he did. While he was next to him.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

Karkat picked up his palmhusk.

TG: before you yell at me for texting you when were right next to each other   
TG: just dont ok   
TG: please   
CG: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT? IF YOU’D BEEN PAYING ATTENTION, I’M HAVING AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION ABOUT THE HEMOSPECTRUM!   
TG: ok this is kind of awkward as hell but   
TG: ugh   
TG: cant back out now

Dave rubbed his palms, drenched with sweat, on his red pajamas, taking a deep, fulfilling, breath. He was really about to do this.

CG: ???   
TG: ok   
TG: i like you   
TG: like    
TG: that way   
TG: the peanut butter to my jelly way   
TG: the beans to my franks way   
TG: the eggs to my milk way   
TG: syrup to my waffles   
TG: ketchup to my fries   
TG: karkat will you be the chungo to my scrungus

Karkat was staring a hole in his phone, cheeks blazing. Kanaya seemed confused.

Slowly, his fingers began to type, picking up speed. Dave was sweating openly now, trying to hide the ever-growing blush that crawled across his face.

CG: ...WOW.   
CG: JUST.   
CG: WOW.   
CG: THAT WAS PROBABLY THE LEAST ROMANTIC THING I’VE EVER HEARD SOMEONE SAY.

A dorky grin spread across Karkat’s face, but he suppressed it, glancing at Kanaya. “Sorry,” he murmured, eyes darting back to his phone.

CG: I MEAN OUT OF ALL THE WAYS YOU COULD SAY IT YOU DID THAT.   
CG: THIS WAS WORSE THAN ALL THE SHITTY ROMCOMS I’VE EVER WATCHED. THEY ARE GOLDEN COMPARED TO THE SHIT THAT HAS JUST TUMBLED FROM YOUR SQUAWK BLASTER.   
TG: so   
CG: YES, DAVE.   
CG: I WILL BE THE “BEANS TO YOUR FRANKS” AS LONG AS YOU NEVER REPEAT THAT SENTENCE AGAIN.   
TG: fuck yeah

Relief. Relief poured through Dave, causing him to huff quietly, a stupid grin spreading across his face. He, of course, would say “beans to my franks” just to piss of the troll ( _ his boyfriend!) _ again.

That brought up the question.

TG: wait so does that make us matesprits or boyfriends   
TG: howre you feeling about that   
CG: HONESTLY?   
CG: I DON’T KNOW.   
CG: I’D SAY MATESPRIT, BUT I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU IN EVERY QUADRANT.   
TG: i guess that makes us good ol fashioned boyfriends huh karkles   
CG: DON’T CALL ME THAT.

Karkat was smiling, though, so Dave knew he hadn’t fucked up. He was happy. They both were.

“Now, what is happening between you two?”

Before Karkat could open his mouth, Dave intervened: “Nothing at all. Nothing is happening here, Karkat-related or otherwise. In fact, so much nothing is happening between us I’m gonna have to escort myself to my room because of the sheer boredom coursing through my veins.” Poker face on the ready, he stood up from his seat, forgetting not to fly from how light he felt. His feet landing on the transportalizer, he grinned. 

When his atoms had finished rearranging themselves, he felt small arms wrap around his stomach. The Mayor. His white, beady eyes gazed up at him in question. “Yeah, man. I did it. I actually did it,” Dave murmured in his own disbelief.

“I did it!” he repeated, doing a stupid jig. The Mayor didn’t seem to mind, only sharing his excitement. Dave couldn’t believe he’d lost his chill, but at the same time, he didn’t particularly care. He’d just asked Karkat-fucking-Vantas to be his boyfriend and he’d gotten an affirmative.

On the way to his room, the Mayor mimicked all sorts of questions. Sometimes he’d sign if Dave couldn’t get his point. ‘What’d he say?’ ‘How’d it go?’ ‘Where is he?’ ‘Did you kiss?’ He’d turned beet red at the last one, shaking his head. 

“I wish,” he had mumbled. Dave felt his phone vibrate in his hand, remembering now that he’d never closed the conversation between him and Karkat.

CG: DO YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER?   
TG: hell yeah   
TG: the mayor is here too   
CG: OH.

“Karkat’s coming over.” The Mayor clapped, miming someone stacking cans before scampering off.  _ Well, okay, then. That works. _

TG: nvm he just left to can town   
CG: OKAY.    
CG: I’M ON MY WAY.   
TG: sweet   
\-- carcinoGeneticist  [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead  [TG] \--

While he waited, he cleaned his room, setting up his red-geared laptop Terezi had made for him so they would be able to watch a movie or something.

A soft knock at the door alerted Dave of Karkat’s arrival. “Yo,” he greeted, patting the space next to him on the bed. Karkat took the invitation, raising a brow. “I thought we could watch a movie, or something, since we do that every day.” 

Karkat shrugged. “Sure. You can pick,” he offered. 

Dave was surprised. The only time he’d ever gotten the chance to pick had ended as a disaster, but he wasn’t complaining. He put on  _ Superfast!, _ which was basically a rip off of  _ Fast and Furious _ . It wasn’t very romantic, but hell if it wasn’t funny. All the way, Karkat chuckled or suppressed bouts of laughter from the idiocy of the characters and movie.

Dave, though, having already watched the movie, focused on Karkat’s reactions. They were pressing against each other, warm, no longer shy about contact. At one point, when Lucas White and Vin were having a conversation during a shootout and Cool Asian Guy was fucking around with his gun, Dave managed to get Karkat rumble up a storm by lightly scritching at his scalp.

Dave was happy.

He continued to watch the movie and spend the rest of the night cuddling with Karkat with a light heart, burdens lifted from his shoulders for a time.

“It’s so fucking  _ hot _ ,” Karkat complained, sleeves rolled up and lying on Dave’s bed with the overhead fan rolling.

“You think?” Dave panted, pulling his shirt from his chest and flopping down next to Karkat. “I’m even hotter than you, with your… Stupidly warm body temperature.”

Karkat groaned, rolling away from Dave. For some reason, he refused to take off his shirt. “God, I  _ knew _ we shouldn’t have blocked the vents,” he complained. Earlier that week, two days after they got together, they’d decided they had heard enough of Gamzee’s honks and clogged the vents with perfect-sized cinder blocks. The result, however, had been disastrous.

“Y’know what?” Karkat grumbled, pushing himself off the bed. “Your mini-fridge is cold. I’m getting in,” he declared, wiping beads of sweat from his forehead. 

“No, wait, let’s share the big fridge. That’s a better idea. We can cuddle  _ and _ get cold,” Dave explained.

When asked the question of why they wouldn’t hang out in a more open space where it was cooler (and this had been asked by Karkat many, many times), Dave would shrug and say, “Gamzee’s weird.” But the real reason he didn’t want to be in the open was that he kind of wanted to finally kiss that stupid troll–Karkat, not Gamzee.

So Karkat shrugged, agreeing to his terms. The both of them headed down to the machinery room, which held the alchemiter, and alchemized a large fridge. Once it was made, they trekked  _ back _ to Dave’s room, plopped it down, and crawled inside.

“You know this is a dumb fuckin’ idea. We could alchemize more fans,” Dave suggested, blinking against the bright light.

“Yeah, more than the 20 we already have?” Dave hummed, straining his ears to hear the muffled whirr of fan blades. 

“But you thought it was a good idea to sit inside a  _ refrigerator. _ A fridge!” Dave chuckled. This was the kind of scenario that only happened in fanfiction, and here it was, real as ever.

Karkat grumbled, shifting around. In this position, Dave had the opportunity to wrap his arms around Karkat’s stomach and pull him into his lap, so he did. Karkat squeaked this adorable something and Dave snorted. “You’re never ready for my affection.” 

Karkat huffed. “You know what  _ you’re _ not ready for?” Before Dave got the chance to respond, Karkat turned around and pressed his lips to Dave’s.

Dave’s eyebrows shot up with surprise, but he smiled into the kiss. It wasn’t his first, but it was definitely the best. 

Neither of the duo pulled back until their faces were as red as tomatoes and they needed a breath of air. Dave doesn’t think he’s seen a more beautiful sight than the flustered Karkat before him, a stupid grin spread across his face. 

The rest of their time spent cooling down in the fridge was spent cuddling and kissing, most of the time trying and failing not to turn out awkward. But Dave didn’t care. He was content. The only reason they had to leave was that Rose wanted to share dinner with everyone, again, so they crawled out of the fridge, captchalogued it, and left, holding hands until they arrived.

The thing about their relationship was that only three people knew. Karkat, Dave, and the Mayor. They hadn’t told anyone because they hadn’t felt the need to, happy simply enjoying their time together. Also, they didn’t want to get teased.

“Welcome to the party,” Rose welcomed, setting down a steaming plate of freshly alchemized steak, mash potatoes, and peas for Dave and Karkat as they sat down. Dave received a glass of iced apple juice and a roll, Karkat a mug of sweet coffee and a slice of grubloaf. 

“Finally, we can  _ eat! _ ” Vriska declared, hungrily digging into her plate. Rose grimaced, taking a seat in her chair. The Mayor munched on leafy greens fresh from Kanaya’s gardens, casting a few curious glances toward Dave and Karkat.

“Rose, this food tastes  _ delicious _ ,” Terezi commented, wide grin showing off yellow teeth. Dave couldn’t believe he’d kissed the girl those belonged to. Gross. 

“Why, thank you. It’s made fresh from the alchemiter using a troll MRE.” Rose smiled pleasantly, forking up some peas and munching on them.

Karkat seemed surprised, too. “Yeah. This shit is the fucking nectar of the gods compared to the taste of the damn human Cheetos Dave seems to always eat.” Karkat’s eyes were wide as he tore into the grubloaf he’d been given, sighing in relief once he’d eaten it. “How do you make something so  _ delicious _ out of an alchemiter?” he murmured, half to himself.

Rose hummed, stabbing a cube of steak to her fork and eating it. “We grew the peas and made the grubloaves ourselves,” she glanced at Kanaya, “and the steak was laced with something trolls had created to keep foods fresh. The MRE cooked everything so it was better than just making it in the microwave.” 

Karkat talked around his food, “Yeah, but aren’t MRE’s like, disgustingly low-quality?”

Kanaya answered this time, “Yes, that is what we expected. But that is the earth kind. Apparently, trolls get better meals to keep them healthier.” As Kanaya placed her fork down and licked her lips free of mash potato, she turned to Dave and Karkat. “Now I believe I must address the question we all want to ask you two. Where have you been for the past week?”

Dave knitted his brows. “Our rooms. Where else?”

Kanaya sighed, rolling her eyes. “Of course. I mean what have you been doing. As far as I remember, you two would much rather spend a limited amount of time together, yet as I have observed you haven’t left Dave’s room for longer than an hour without coming back. So I propose the question; what have you two been doing?”

Vriska huffed, tossing her fork to her plate and slamming her robotic arm to the table. “Yeah! With you two missing I don’t have anyone to make fun of!” she whined.

“I mean we’ve just been hanging out. Y’know, two bros watching movies and chillin’. If it helps anything we didn’t even know it was a week. Also, why do you wanna know? You spend like, what, weeks holed up in Roses’ room makin’ out, why can’t we do the same?” After a few moments, Dave locked up, realizing what he’d just said. “I mean, not like we’re making out or anything, but-”

“Holy shit, they’re dating!” Terezi blurted.

Rose let a smirk cross her face. “I suspected this.” Meanwhile, Dave was pretty sure Karkat was squirming in his seat. “Now, pray do tell, why didn’t you let us know?” she asked, an eyebrow raised. Kanaya just looked happy for them, Vriska and Terezi absolutely  _ shocked _ out of their minds.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Vriska interrupted. “You guys are  _ matesprits? _ I thought you couldn’t stand each other!” she exclaimed.

Karkat shrugged. “Well, I prefer to call him my human boyfriend _ , _ but I guess I do have more red feelings,” he offered.

Vriska got up from the table, licking the last of her peas from her fork, before dragging Terezi out of the room with promises of talking about the new couple.

“So, to answer your question–”

“–we didn’t feel it was necessary,” Dave interrupted, gaining an annoyed scowl from Karkat. “I mean, we both knew you two would tease us, so why not procrastinate on it?” The Mayor narrowed his eyes.

‘I thought you had told them!’ he signed.

“Sorry, little guy,” Dave apologized. “I didn’t know you wanted me to.”

Rose cleared her throat, causing all parties to look up at her. “It’s quite alright. I hope you boys enjoy the horrendous wonders of love, though,” she declared, snatching up every spare plate in the room and walking them to the kitchen, Kanaya by her side.

Dave and Karkat exchanged glances, thinking over what Rose had said. Did they love each other? Dave sure did talk about Karkat a lot and really loved hanging out with him, so he guessed so. Karkat thought about Dave a lot, so he supposed so too.

In the end, they suppose it all worked out. At the end of the day, Dave confessed his undying love for the troll and they ended up making out after that, which also worked out. 

So Dave supposes everything turned out good—at least, better than he thought it would—in the end.

...Sometimes, though, he recalls how he got into this mess, and smiles fondly at his mini fridge.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments? yknow what. theyre cool. do what you must with that information   
>  [ tumblr ](https://o0jaywolf0o.tumblr.com/)


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